Throwaway because I have to admit something really embarrassing. I (24m) just had a bad fight with my gf, Ana (24f). We met early in college, started dating 2 years ago and then moved in together 3 months ago. I always thought we were great together. She's smart and funny, we've had the best talks and have similar views on science and politics. But we moved in together and she got upset because I take long showers. I don’t like to talk about it but I’m a hairy guy. Think Luther from Umbrella Academy. I quit sports when I was 13 because I couldn’t deal with what the other guys would say about how much body hair I already had by then. So I shave my whole body and yes it takes a while. Ana and I have never talked about my shaving but she has to know I shave from feeling the stubble.

So Ana started questioning why I spend so long in the shower. I should have just told her but I was too embarrassed to say it takes a while to shave so I said I just like thinking in the shower. Then yesterday while I was in the shower she used a screwdriver to pop the bathroom lock and caught me shaving. She put her hands on her hips and told me I was wasting water and I yelled at her to get out. She didn’t leave and lectured me more on wasting water then I shouted again a LOT louder for her to get the fuck out. It freaked her out and she slammed the door behind her.

I was mad and took a few minutes too cool down and think about what I was going to say to her, but when I got out she had locked herself in the bedroom. I could tell she had her back against the door and was crying. She said I scared her and that she I showed her that I wasn’t the kind of man she thought I was. I told her she had scared me, and that it didn't even make sense why she did it because we don't even pay the water for our apartment. She got more upset and said I didn’t even understand the problem because I showed her that I could be violent and abusive and I just needed to leave. I tried to keep calm and asked her to come out so we could actually talk about what happened, but she just kept saying I wasn’t who she thought I was and I had to leave.

We’ve argued about ideas but never had a fight before, and I swear I’ve never yelled or cursed at her before that. I hate fighting with anyone and am normally the more calm person when our friends have things going on. I feel like my whole world just suddenly fell out from under me. I don’t think this was my fault but I also think none of this would have happened if I wasn’t so self conscious about the body hair issue, or maybe if I had just been honest from the beginning and told her why I take long showers. I’m sure this relationship is over now and things are going to be messed up for a while, but I just want to know am I the asshole for causing this whole mess?